I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
