I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
