watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
