It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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