And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
