i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
