well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
