you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
