And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
