You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
