I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
