soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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