could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
