My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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