and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
