the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
