it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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