I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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