he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
