Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
