how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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