I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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