I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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