Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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