I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
