ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
