She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
