You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
