I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
