Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
