I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
