dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
