i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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