wrigley field is MILF paradise
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my being single is dangerous.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
