Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
