He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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