I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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