What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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