About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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