The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
