Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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