Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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