I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
