i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
