I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
