North Korea, Best Korea!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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