I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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