I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
