my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
