I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
